On Bullying

This is blog is actually the Author’s Note which will be included in my novel Power Plays.
I firmly believe that bullying has ALWAYS been with us. It’s not a bizarre aberration of the 20th or 21st centuries. However, thanks to mass media, we are now more aware of bullying. The Reena Virk case in British Columbia and the shootings at Taber, Alberta and Littleton, Colorado are just a few high profile cases.

Yet, despite the best efforts of principals, teachers, support staff, parents, and students, bullying is still prevalent in schools. It’s hard to change attitudes and behaviour, especially when we are immersed in a society that thrives on criticism and judgment.

Isn’t everyone entitled to make mistakes and learn from them? It’s what makes us human.

I have seen students (and adults!) profess more sympathy for fictional characters on television than they do for the people they come into contact with everyday. I find this disturbing – and sad.

When will we learn to appreciate and accept others BECAUSE of their differences? When will we learn not to take offence over some perceived slight? When will we start living by the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?

A group of Grade Sevens recently told one of their teachers that bullying is “a part of life.” They also said it “makes you tougher.” I strongly disagree. I don’t think anyone who has been bullied is grateful for the experience.

Although statistics indicate that most bullies are boys, girl bullying is widespread. Girl bullies generally use exclusion, name-calling, and gossip to victimize others, but there are also numerous instances of physical violence.

Thanks to the internet revolution, bullying is easier, faster, and even more anonymous. It seems that every technological innovation comes with a perversion of its original purpose. Cell phones and digital cameras have been used to take pictures or video of children in locker rooms and washrooms. These images are then uploaded onto websites aimed at targeting the victim. Blogs are used to disparage children and adults. Recently I saw a Grade Twelve student justifying such actions as “freedom of expression.”

I have seen numerous presentations, delivered by sincere and eloquent guest speakers of all ages, about the effects of harassment. Reaction to these presentations is generally along these lines: “I really felt sorry for the girl/guy they were talking about. People are so cruel. Somebody should have done something.” The bullies promptly resume tormenting their victims because they “deserve it.”

I suspect that many teen suicides are connected to homosexuality and bullying. No matter what side of the fence you sit on the issue of gay rights, I think we can all agree that no one wrestling with his or her sexual identity during adolescence deserves to be victimized because of it.

The GOOD news – in this increasingly complex world — is that most people – young and old — are horrified by bullying. They are eager to help if given the opportunity.

Here are some simple ways to reduce bullying in your school:

1. Ask yourself, does my behaviour each day make my school better – or worse? How do I want people to remember me when they look back years from now?

2. Say ‘hello” to every person you meet. Don’t make a distinction between who is worthy of your notice and who isn’t. Everyone deserves this simple courtesy. Make “small talk” each day with someone to whom you don’t normally speak.

3. No matter how tempting, don’t spread — or worse fabricate — gossip. Gossip is a powerful and destructive addiction, and many people view it as a means to increasing their own popularity. Yes, information is power – power that can kill.

4. If you come across someone being bullied, try to distract the bully. Ask a question unrelated to the situation. Change the subject. You don’t have to be confrontational to stop the abuse from taking place. Later, urge the victim to report the incident.

If you are being bullied, here are some things you can do:

1. Look the bully straight in the eye and tell him or her firmly and politely to leave you alone.
2. Try not to cry or show you are upset. Bullying is about power. Don’t make the bully feel powerful.
3. Talk to an adult you trust.
4. Never give out your password for email. If someone is abusive on MSN, don’t respond to the abuse. Block the person and stop accepting their emails. The same applies to text messages.

Good luck. And remember, ANY effort to reduce bullying is worthwhile.

Maureen Ulrich

This entry was posted on April 9, 2007 at 6:15 pm and is filed under On the Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.